the hard decision

The hardest decision is to let someone else decide, sometimes.

I’m so thankful my husband makes decisions.


We both make decisions all day. Some big. Some small. Some important. Some just preference. Some of our decisions effect each other and our family. Some don’t.

It is a great responsibility & accountability to defer to my husband.

 It is responsible for me because scripture calls me to acknowledge and respond to him as the head of our family. It is responsible & accountable for me to defer to him because I am called to teach and exemplify what it means to be a biblical woman in my marriage. Scripture calls me in Titus to show younger women. I’m also responsible & accountable to defer to my husband so that my children grow up with a discerned view and understanding of their role in marriage…and life.

There is great unity in trusting my husband. 

Trusting my husband draws me closer to The Lord because I’m ultimately trusting The Lord IN my husband. There is great unity in trusting my husband because this shows him, above all the voices and chatter of the world and my deceitful heart, I choose to believe & follow him. There brings great confidence for his present decisions and whatever may come in our future. I intentionally married a man with whom I agreed with in the realm of money, sex, theology, and calling. Within those realms are vast degrees of opinions and preferences. Where we don’t agree or even know if we agree, we talk, pray, think, and talk some more. Of course we have intense moments in our marriage. We have moments of frustration and confusion. Then, like all other areas of my life, I’m convicted and humbled. We come together and talk again. After the strife. After the rebellion of my heart.

Other times-it’s easy to defer to my husband. There are just some decisions that I’m glad I don’t have to make. My role as the female in our marriage bears great responsibility.

 I don’t have to assert myself and take control in places where I’m not called to in order to be important and necessary in our marriage. I am already necessary.

 I am already valued and worthy and needed. For the places I don’t have to or need to be responsible and the decision maker, I will gladly turn to my husband.

For all the ways this culture and world speak up about how men are not men and they are boys and they aren’t stepping up, I question whether they’re being asked or allowed to? We judge them for not being leaders. Yet we aren’t acknowledging the training and support it takes to be a leader. Anyone can be a bulldozer & tell others what to do. It takes a servant with humility and grace to lead well. Those are not qualities that come naturally, nor are they attained by a “just be it” attitude. It is a difficult, weighty opportunity to lead…peers, employees, a family.

So for all the ways women wrestle with their biblical role of what a wife is called to be and do, the men in our life have an equally valuable and difficult calling on their lives and responsibility. 

Our journeys and calling as women and men are very different and vary individually, but are deeply necessary.

When we are obedient to Scripture’s defintion, we are satisfied.

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what i’m not taking for granted.

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we left saturday at 9am to travel to colorado with our two boys and my parents. we were headed there for my grandfather’s (my dad’s father) funeral. so many have asked about the circumstances. he was ill, but it is never expected and it is always grievous to experience loss.

we lost my grandmother (my mom’s mother) in december. she was buried christmas eve while i was in the hospital.

having experienced loss and a temporary goodbye, my heart is in the place of receiving grace and giving thanks for the now…

salvation. 1. i am redeemed & expecting eternity with Christ. 2. my loved ones will not have to ache in wonder about my eternal destination. for the sake of the cross, your eternity, and your loved ones…accept the sacrifice and blood covering for sins of Jesus.

my husband. 1. he’s the greatest person i’ve ever known. 2. he is redeemed. 3. he loves me like Christ loves the church:::sanctifies me and leads me.

Ephesians 5 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

4. an exceptional father. he is intimately involved in every aspect of our children’s lives.  from morning until night he is top notch and top request (DADDA!!!) for both of them. 5. his sacrifice:::for me and the boys. he sat in the backseat with an uncharacteristic gigantic fit throwing baby so that i wouldn’t get car sick. needless to say his chronic pain didn’t do him any favors, but he calmed a baby and saved momma’s stomach. i cried the entire time.

my children.

Psalm 127:3

New Living Translation (NLT)

Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.

1. i know what it is lose a child. i love all three of mine, including our baby not here with us. 2. i grew to appreciate all moments with my children this weekend (locked up in a car with them screaming in car seats, in a small hotel room with little space for little adventurers, no media for entertainment, no privacy for sleeping for them, happiness when we can make small luxuries for them happen, joint bath time for them that seemed like a bath tub birthday, a grandparent induced chuck e cheese visit, the list could go on and on). 3. the richness of hearing “i love you momma” over and over and over from my 3 year old. i’m not sure if all kiddos do this, but it sure does wipe away the screaming fits of disobedience when i hear this.

understanding. 1. sometimes we ask questions about our family circumstances. i’ll leave that broad. but in reality, it’s God’s design for you to be with the people you are with and related to your specific peeps. i got to see some family this weekend i haven’t seen a while. we may not see each other for a while. it’s cleansing and bonding, though, to grieve with others who you are confident understand your ache and hurt. we shared the ache of losing someone recently, losing my grandfather because we all love him, and hurting for each other as we walked through this.

motivation. 1. to love more intentionally and specifically. i feel confident i do this well with my children. 2. i have taken this area too much for granted concerning my husband. i am not taking for granted the motivation to love him more intentionally and to show him more often.

friends.

Proverbs 11:25

New Living Translation (NLT)

25 The generous will prosper;
those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.

1. i never realized what a definition in my head for what a friendship is or should be. that has been butchered and redefined as i have received hugs, texts, facebook messages and posts, cards, etc. people watch, care, pray and meet our needs. that is friendship. even if it’s “just” through facebook. they took the time and shared their heart. that’s vulnerable and compassionate. that’s a friend.

i could go on and on about what i’m not taking for granted especially since i’m not in my big, warm, comfortable home in the quiet while the boys are visiting their other grandparents. but i’m going to rest and relax while i can and then eagerly pick my boys up and squeeze all of my friends and family i see today.

though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes with the morning.

i had a few moments of feeling a bit like David recently. (i mean, seconds. especially once i got to the end of this psalm and read his resolution). this psalm has followed me since Shane & Shane released a song utilizing this particular psalm. i was listening to their cd (yes, we did use cds at one time) and while i was listening i was reading this psalm and the corresponding song came on at the same time. that was a time of the Lord’s deep moving in my heart and i forever remember the time i spent with Him then. i thought things were very difficult at that moment. i had no idea how NOT difficult it was and what a preparation of my heart that time was for me.

Psalm 13[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

Adventures in Healing

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My first love, before anyone else on this earth, is this man. I have never wanted so badly anything in my life, as much as I wanted to be with him forever. When he asked me to be his wife, he lit a fire deep in my heart to be his greatest source of joy, behind the The Lord. I fail at doing this multiple times a day and actually achieve quite the opposite when I’m a joy stealer. I want more than anything for him to be holy and happy. But sometimes those don’t go together. And sometimes that shatters my heart. I am biased, this I know. But I don’t know anyone who loves people more than he does. He loves to see them through mistakes, through experiences with false teaching, through disappointments from those who say they love….I could go on and on because his ability to love seems boundless. Truly a quality directly from The Lord. I don’t know anyone else who can speak straight the matter with biblical counsel like he does. Without bias or opinion, the Word does the cutting through his speech. And just like that, he is utilized to bring healing. He will be the first to admit fault and that if anything good has come from him, he will credit The Lord. He is anointed. I am beyond blessed to benefit from the character and integrity that are bound up in the heart of this man. He does not waiver in questions of ethics and morals. There are places in our hearts and lives that are “givens” and “absolutes” and we continue to walk. He has not tripped in leading me or leading our boys. He looks for progress and growth. He constantly thinks about, prays for, pushes forward in his job. Oh his “job”. Being in a bed for months at one time, he looked at me, “Melissa, I love my job. I want to be there and I want to be with people”. Given this description, you would expect no other “job” for him than ministry. He is not limited to his title in college ministry, though. That’s not how ministry works. We love students. We love their season. So much opportunity. The independence to make decisions. The new awareness of self and world. The hard theological questions. The challenge to serve and share. The excitement for justice. The love of food! Free food! That’s our motto. But he has this heart for people that takes us beyond college students. Nearly weds. Newlyweds. Hurting marriages. Confused fathers. Those called to the ministry but don’t know where to start. The list could go on and on. Yes, we are flawed. But it’s easy to see flaws. It’s not easy to see the wonder of a man’s honor and nobility when he does his work with grace and does his serving, leading, and admonishing with a gentle and bold approach. He doesn’t do it for grins and approval.

This “leg” of my blog regarding “wife” will speak of my journey in being his wife. Right now, that is wrapped up in serving him however I can at our home and in his ministry. At home, taking care of whatever I can so that he doesn’t have to and he can spend more time at his work–with people. At home–taking care of details that would otherwise cause him more pain. In our ministry–being available to have people in our home, preparing multiple facets in order to have bible studies in our home, making good plans and preparations so that our life is easy in the places where we do have control.

Wife to him in a season of hurting. Hugs and cuddling. An even more intense approach to praying healing over him and for him. Being more stubborn than he is to ensure he doesn’t hurt worse. Spending time pouring myself into Scripture so that I can always have Truth and a word to share with him when we’re discouraged.

We know Truth in this season of no answers and pain. We Trust in this season. We wait now. As we always have, for deliverance & provision.

I hesitate to share what happened this week as we traveled in hopes of answers and help. We received neither, and the experience is hard to describe without using harsh words. I’m not ready to measure that-so for now,know that we are disappointed & displeased with our journey and those who brought us there.

Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for hurting with us. Thank you for encouraging us.

At this point, we have no evidence that this pain is being caused by anything that is fatal, for that we praise Him. However, this debilitating pain is agony. We will walk by faith, knowing One suffered much more than this to bring us much more. Those are easier words for me as I’m not the one hurting physically.

We pray for healing. We believe Him for healing. However that comes.

Two Hearts, One Flesh week 3 review

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What a sweet night of discussing our marriages, successes and disasters, and how to seek to better meet the emotional and spiritual needs of our husbands (or soon-to-be husbands). I’m so edified by our time together and very much glean new and purposeful insight into my own marriage husband as I listen to each of your share. We had such great conversation, we didn’t even make it through half of the planned topics!

In review, we mostly discussed the following verses from Proverbs 31 and what they look like in context for us as wives, with our husbands, and for their sake.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

          **We shared specifically what some specific ways are in which we “harm” our husbands intentionally. What good feedback everyone shared. Sometimes we’re not even being malicious, we just don’t think before we speak or think before we do something at a time that may not be appropriate for him or well-received.

          **Then we also discussed what some ways are in which we could do “good” to our husbands! What a delightful and heart-warming decision it is to resolute that we’re going to seek some ways to be good to him. It takes some intentional effort to make sure we’re doing good to the ones around us.

           **Then we talked about the conviction of “ALL the days of her life”. Not just when we’ve had a good day, feel well, etc. All the days. Praying to keep that one in the forefront of my heart and mind.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”

     ***We really walked through these verses and thought through what they mean for us, what they meant in context, and where to go from here in working them out in our own hearts and relationship.

I left our time together feeling refreshed, motivated, and eager to hear my husband arise and call me blessed. I was encouraged to know and remember that my children are already calling me blessed, it just comes in moments and in ways that are specific to my heart’s needs and my children’s abilities to communicate. It comes in ways that are specific to my heart’s needs because it is the Lord sending me those moments and knows exactly how to speak directly to my heart. I want to surpass them all, but mostly I want to surpass myself…..because I always want to grow and move forward. I want to grow, be better, and be changed. Our lives are a marathon. Not a sprint. Let’s move with grace through this marathon and throw away the words “failure” and “disappointment”. Each outcome that isn’t what we expected or prefer, those are outcomes meant for growth and change. They are meant to spur us into a women who “watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

I’m praying for you all this week. I’ll miss you so very much next week as we head to the Mayo Clinic. Thank you for praying for us! I know you will have a wonderful time with Kathy & Anne! Same place, same time! Love you ladies!

For better or worse

Post from my blog sharpexpressions that was written September 6, 2011. Drake would have been 10 months (almost 🙂

I posted a status on Facebook this weekend that said “I wish I could record Drake all day. His facial expressions are priceless & his mumblings in an effort to talk are going to be sweet memories once he’s talking all the time! He’s so much fun. So thankful we get to be stewards of him for now. What a perfect gift.”

I soon realized how far my understanding of this concept of stewardship has come. It has developed by way of difficult circumstances, joyous blessings, and moments of struggle.  I have come to a place of understanding this life is temporal and we are preparing for the eternal. Jesus healed many while He was on earth, but His healings were the the precursor to the ultimate, eternal Healing He was to bring.

I was 26 when I married by husband, who was 28 at the time.

We were by no means old, but we hadn’t just graduated college either. My singleness was a season. For better or for worse. The enjoyable times were the better and the lonely times were the worse. Let it be known that loneliness doesn’t disappear on the wedding day. The enjoyable times were filled with sporadic meetings with college girls, encouraging them, discipling them, challenging them, and all the while growing in my knowledge leaps and bounds. I was able to go where I wanted when I wanted. I was free to make decisions on a whim, change my budget (or not have one), I only had myself to contend with (with household tangibles…I’m not referring to huge matters of influence such as irresponsible, unstable, untrustworthy behavior, etc.) My schedule was my own. The lonely times were complete with silence in my bedroom. Moments of weeping to the Lord of my great desire to have someone in this life to care for and help (I had no real understanding of the magnitude of responsibility and accountability that desire held). There were days filled with question after question for God. **If you’re in this season, how are you treasuring, coveting, and utilizing this time? Are you a good steward of this season, for better and for worse? In the enjoyable times are pouring your time into whatever the Lord has for you now? (School, family, friendships, discipling, serving?) Are you using the lonely times to be sifted and refined for the Eternal purpose you are here to serve? The Lord quickly broke me with the reality that He doesn’t promise us marriage, children, friends, home, etc. He has a lot for us and we are to walk in this lot with grand thankfulness and resourcefulness.  He walks with you through these seasons to sanctify and purify you. Are you letting Him? He uses the seasons to make you look more like His Son..are you drawing nearer to Him?

These seasons are a grand picture that tie together little hills and valleys in our lives. He calls us to walk gracefully through EACH season and within that time frame we are to be good stewards of all that is in our sphere of existence. Wherever you are now, there are other people  in your life who benefit by watching (or should benefit) how you rest in Him and pursue Him.

Are you a good steward of your friendships? Some friends stay and some friends go. Is your time spent with them in such a way, that whether they stay or leave, you have no regrets?

  • Be graciously honest with them.
  • Meet conflict directly and concisely.
  • Apologize immediately where you must.
  • Forgive immediately where you must.
  • Go out of your way to meet their needs. It will return to you. (Don’t meet their needs with expectations or pay back in mind…Jesus doesn’t handle us in that regard.)

Are you a good steward of your relationship with your family?

  • Forgive them.
  • Honor your father and mother. It might cost so be prepared, but remember it is commanded for a reason and He will bless you and keep you in this area if you are obedient.
  • Get Christian counseling if your past necessitates it.
  • Make time for them.
  • Find ways to encourage them.
  • Bless them.
  • I am not naive to the fact there are some families where these actions are not possible. If you know the Lord and are surrounded by godly counselors, you know how to walk in this area. If you need help, ask a seasoned believer who is walking faithfully with the Lord. They will help you be accountable where you can be with your family and discern where you are not responsible.

Are you a good steward of your marriage?

  • Pray for your spouse.
  • Discuss Truth and theology
  • Be tender. Be aware.
  • Be affectionate.
  • Ask for forgiveness. Be forgiving.
  • Tell them good things about themselves first and then do it in public. Build your spouse up–it’s you and your spouse against the world at all times. If you’re in a battle with one another, you’ve lost your ally.

Are you a good steward of your children’s affections and their hearts? You only get a very short time with them.

  • Pray for them.
  • Pray with them.
  • Teach them Scripture.
  • Teach them obedience and faith.
  • Spend time with them above everyone else (except your spouse).
  • Model a healthy, godly marriage for them.
  • Be affectionate towards them and value their affection for you.
  • Tell them good things about themselves and then tell everyone else.

Are you a good steward of your time? Not a selfish time keeper.

  • Spend time first with your spouse, children, & family (quality time)
  • If you are single and without children, first spend time with your family, then your closest circles of friends.
  • Let your time be spend in prayer, reading the Word, Scripture memory, music, etc. Whatever stirs your affections for Christ and causes you to look more like Him.
  • Plan your time well. A calendar of your regular days’ commitments, monthly commitments, regular meetings & events, and other planned/scheduled happenings. Then fit other things into that frame. Be prepared for interruptions. The Lord will interrupt you and it’s an opportunity to be a good steward in another area (helping a friend, having faith when He allows inconvenience of a car break down, etc) of your life if you’re already a good steward of your time.

Are you a good steward of your finances? All that you’ve been given…is just that…GIVEN.

  • Recognize your WHOLE lot as being given.
  • Decide how to use what you’ve been given to honor Him.
  • Tithe.
  • Save.
  • Don’t overspend.
  • Pay off what you’ve already overspent, if you have.
  • Don’t make rationalizations for your wants. If you can afford it, be wise, if you can’t, be wise.

Are you a good steward of your possessions? Again, you’ve been given all that you have.

Take inventory of your possession.

  • Evaluate how it can be used to bless others. (A house can be a safe place for children from families who don’t know Christ, it can be a home away from home for a college student, etc. A car can be used to carpool for someone without a vehicle, to help families save money, or to give a child a ride with your family for a few minutes and be exposed to Christians if he/she is from an unchurched home.)
  • Don’t waste your possessions.
  • Take care of what you’ve got. It’s been given to you, cherish it.

The Lord blesses us with such enjoyable moments. However, there are seasons of hurting and struggling, too. How you respond to each is a reflection of your faith.

33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things (see Matthew 6:33 to know what “these things” are) will be added to you.

Two Hearts, One Flesh preview

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So much of our discontentment and lack of joy or peace comes from our expectations in relationships. When looking deep into the reality of conflict in our marriages, we must be honest with ourselves about where the conflict stems from concerning both the husband and the wife.

A wise lady once told me “major on the majors and minor on the minors”. (You can see more on that HERE). She meant: don’t be consumed by the little details, inconveniences, and frustrations of everyday misunderstanding and miscommunication. That is a downward spiral into bitterness, anger, and resentment. Be forthright with the major conversations that need to take place and follow your husband in all areas. We’ll talk more about submission in another place of our study. She also told me that apathy is bitterness matured. Ouch! Are you feeling a little apathetic about an area of contention and therefor remaining stagnant in the conflict?

Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a secret choice of the heart. -“Calm My Anxious Heart”

When you’re wrestling with decisions about what the majors are and what the minors are, broaden your picture and bring a healthy perspective from Scripture.

Jesus gave His primary reason for coming to earth in Matthew 20:28 when He said He came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.-“Calm My Anxious Heart”  He asks us to enter our sphere of existence every day with the same motive. We must ask Him to practice Psalm 139:25 on us daily.

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is especially true in our marriage relationship as it is the closest, most personal relationship we have on this earth.

Are you ministering to your husband? Or are you manipulating him? – “The Marriage Builder” Larry Crabb

Check the area of contention as see if there are ways, in your own spirit, you can respond (instead of reacting) to minister in the moment.

It’s a narrow road. But Scripture is clear about our roles in marriage. We will discuss those roles in one week of our study.

email me at sharp.mrs@gmail.com for questions about our study.

facebook event here https://www.facebook.com/events/369112496526434/?fref=ts

Sifting Sandpaper

Sometimes the sanctification and brokenness feels as though we’re being stripped of all that is us, but He’s replacing it all with all that is of Him. That’s much more valuable and beneficial than our flesh. -me

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I love my husband. More than any person in my life and second most to my Savior. He has had chronic pain for 15 months now. It started with a 9 day hospital stay, more tests than I can re-cap, and finally a diagnosis that has, so far, only resulted in medication as a fix (for now, hopefully).

The first 3 months I was on pure adrenaline and desperation to find out what was wrong with him and to keep him comfortable. During that time, I became pregnant and was staying home with our 14 month old son. (What a HUGE blessing and provision that I had already been a SAHM! I was able to take care of the most important people in my life without worry of losing my job. Although, they may have wanted to fire me!)

He progressively got better, I progressively got more pregnant and miserable, and our toddler got progressively more busy! Our second son was born in November of the same year that my husband was diagnosed with a thoracic condition.

In January 2013, it had been a year since he first began hurting. Like all seasons ebb and flow, I hit a wall with being a care-giver. I wish I could sugar coat my emotions, but the reality is my meager attempts at managing my emotions revealed my true attempts were just out of my flesh. I needed help and I needed someone to reveal grace and mercy and speak Truth to me. I needed someone to remind me that Jesus doesn’t tell us to “pull yourself up by the boot straps” (that had become my motto). Jesus doesn’t tell us “well, this is just your lot so deal with it.” Truth be told, I knew my life wasn’t hard. I knew my life was pretty spectacular! I was just tired. I was weary. I felt alone. So, I made a call (ok, I made a text!). To a staff wife at our church that I have known and trusted since I was in high school. Her husband, too, deals with chronic pain. I needed some wisdom. I needed some guidance. I knew if I didn’t get some light shed on my heart soon it was going to become bitter.

So we went to get a soda and talked. She is a discerning counselor and had prayed specifically for what the Lord would have her say to me. (By the way, don’t ever seek someone’s counsel who isn’t praying and sensitive to the Spirit-my two cents).

I began to share with her the nitty gritty of my ugly heart right now. I’m tired. I feel selfish. I want to do the things that interest, energize, and refresh me. But there’s no time for it. (This was smack in the middle of a week where my husband was in bed due to a spell of debilitating pain). But the flip side to these emotions::At least my husband is still with me! My husband is still able to work and provide for us! My husband still loves me and our sons with his whole being and ministers to us with an overflowing Jesus love that few people have these days! My husband loves people so much that he wants to burst sometimes and ministers out of the overflow of who Christ is in him! Those are some pretty gigantic positives! The reality of my emotions and truth were waging war in my being. So, here comes her questions and what the Lord led her to ask and speak.

“Melissa, what’s your picture for you life? What do you see, what do you want? Now, what do you think God’s big picture is for you? What does He want? Do those line up?”

Absolutely not. They don’t. I shared with her that I had already been convicted for two weeks before meeting with her that I needed to say no to a lot of things and people, including myself. That is one of the most painful pieces of sandpaper I have ever felt scratch across the surface of my very delicate flesh and selfishness. So I had already started saying no to others and myself. It was hard. It hurt. It felt unfair. Now I could realize the real reason I started realizing my selfishness was coming to the surface was an unfortunate collision of the conviction to say no and now my husband was needing me totally and I didn’t even have the choice to say no now, I had to in order to be available to him. How wretched am I that I’m struggling with selfishness when my family needs me? Well, I can just see it now. We’re all wretched and deceived by our hearts. Thankfully, Jesus can redeem that!

I will give you a few examples. I was having a get together at my home. I LOVE to decorate and make themes. I’m not really good at it, but I enjoy it. I enjoy others’ enjoying my decorations. For this get together, I promised myself my home would be clean, but no extras. I stuck to it. I didn’t like it, but I stuck to it.

I’ve wanted to decorate Drake’s room for a while. And I want to do it on the cheap, but that requires a lot of hand making and creativity. I’ve put that to the side. He doesn’t care. He’s a boy. He loves his bed and that’s all he wants in there. It’s about me and feeling accomplished and impressed with myself (let’s call it what it is) and that’s not worth the time away from my family, the money, or the chance of not meeting their needs.

It was all a bunch of sifting. It still is. That dross that He’s refining out of His gold (me) hasn’t all completely come to the top yet. But He says I’m worth the time it takes to refine. He says I’m so worth it, that He sent His Son to die on the Cross and His Son left us the Holy Spirit to continue working in this sinful heart. He won’t ever be done working on me until I’m in heaven. So this is just one more chapter in the book of my sanctification.

His big picture for me right now?

Wife. My husband came first and comes first out of all of my relationships on earth.

Mom. We prayerfully added little humans into our family and they are our responsibility. The number one priority for our marriage under glorifying the Lord (which covers everything else to come under here) is to provide for and disciple our children. We are and will be held accountable for this area.

Then some. I was called to college ministry before I married my husband. That calling has expanded to ministering to women in all seasons. College, marriage, mommyhood, adult mothers who have college students….this is my calling and I enjoy the moments shared with ladies.

My lot isn’t a place where He resides to give me everything hard. My lot is the place where I come to see who I am in relation to Christ, secure my identity, and walk with Him to continue in ministry and laboring for Him.

Web places that encourage me in these areas::

Finding Joy

Focus on the Family

Dr. James Dobson

Jen Hatmaker

Family Matters

Lysa TerKeurst