today’s demands teach tomorrow’s grace

the day is nearing the end. the pressure to meet the demands is over. did you meet them? what is success?

define success for yourself so you know your own expectations for yourself. evaluate them. make yourself some benchmarks. no one hits their success of huge goals immediately. it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

in fact, that’s what usually keeps me from making goals. or making attempts at my own expectations. i have failed before. i have hit the evening (it seems every day) with a miserable gut check that i accomplished NOTHING i set out to complete that day.

the reality? i didn’t set out to complete anything. i had a mental to do list. and a child woke up too early. he demanded specific items for breakfast. said items ended up all over my sheets. youngest child wakes up screaming, too. they both have pungent diapers and soaked clothes. now to more food and bottles and cups full of milk. toys spread everywhere. fingers touching dangerous things. tiny bodies climbing to high places that cause immediate danger and panic. they’re quiet now……interrupt productivity to find the children. toys everywhere. one wants to paint. can i watch a show? let’s have a snack! momma we miss dadda. why are you screaming? snack? milk? diaper? align the cosmos?!?! oh it’s lunch. what are we having (that would have been on my mental to do list—meal planning, maybe at naptime). oh you don’t want to eat anything on your plate? out of the 7 options i put on there? hm. time for nap. no one wants to take a nap? momma does! can we trade?! WHEW. youngest is down without a hitch. spanking. screaming. gnashing of teeth. compromise. promise. spanking. screaming. gnashing of teeth. no sleep today. no nap=nothing accomplished for momma. every one up. snacks. milk. more milk. they drink milk all day. could i be a dairy farmer? nope. i’d never make it. thought detour. clean up kitchen. get ready to start dinner. MASS HYSTERIA AND EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS. momma is going to cook dinner? act like a crazed maniac! because….she doesn’t cook dinner ALMOST every night??! i mean, what a shock! cooking to the music of screaming, yelling, fit throwing, ……. DADDA IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we’re the happiest boys alive! oh? that screaming? we just wanted to see how many decibels she could take! and dinner. bath. clean up rooms. bed.

the end of the day. i survived. but i did i thrive? was there joy emitted? today’s demands have made me aware that it’s night’s end and i must accept the grace for the moments that were not beautiful and walk into tomorrow with grace for the moments that will be challenging.

for where i felt like a failure today, i can only make a goal for how to approach that situation again and what it would look like to be a success. i was never a failure. feelings are NOT Truth.

progress, not perfection is the strategy with which i’ll run this marathon.

i want my husband and children to see grace. lived and offered. not the cranky, i’m short tempered with the world because of my own shortcomings, attitude i’ve exhibited lately. they don’t need to be effected with emotions for where i THINK i’ve failed, they need to have me fully present in my calling as a wife and a mom and the TRUTH of what that calling is—that’s where i am seeking my identity. not the 10 absolute best aspects of 10 people that i expect myself to be all wrapped up in one individual.

marathon. not sprint.

Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart week 5 review

 

adapted from “Lady In Waiting”

Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart

Melissa Sharp

October 3, 2013

 

the alabaster box.

 

1. History of the alabaster box & it’s meaning
   1. A young woman’s dowry. The size & amount was parallel to her family’s wealth.
   2. When a man asked for her hand in marriage, she would break it at his feet to show her response & honor. This anointed his feet.
2. Mark 14:3-9 and Luke 7:37
   1. She found Jesus as worthy of such a sacrifice & honor.
   2. Jesus memorializes her actions in Matthew 26:13
   3. She gave her all to a heavenly Bridegroom, the only One who can truly make her dreams come true.

 

What is in your alabaster box? What are you dreams? What do you envision for your future? What are you holding so tightly to because you fear it being taken away?

 

If you have truly broken your alabaster box before the feet of Jesus, it will be reflected in the appearance of His Lordship. Mary’s response in Luke 1:38 gives us an example of an attitude of submission.

 

1. Ruth recklessly abandoned. She willingly broke her alabaster box & followed the Lord wherever He led her. Ruth 1:16
2. High price for this investment. Matthew 19:29
3. Do not make substitutions when get discontent. You will not be complete until you really understand that you are complete in Jesus. Colossians 2:9-10
   1. Completion is Jesus’ responsibility and complementing is a woman’s privilege.

 

“Marriage teaches us that even the most intimate human companionship cannot satisfy the deepest places of the heart. Our hearts are lonely ‘til they rest in Him” –Elisabeth Elliot in Lonliness

 

1. Does your relationship with Jesus reflect reckless abandonment to Him? Or is it tokenism & superficial effort toward following Jesus?
   1. Are you content to offer Jesus that which cost you nothing? Are you influencing those around you to consider a life-changing commitment to Jesus Christ?
      1.                          i.   The Song of Solomon 6:1 example of the Shulammite
2. As a single woman, now is the time to establish a relationship with Christ and remove the tokenism of church attendance, verse spouting without heart & belief, & really enter into intimacy with by drawing near to Him Psalm 73:28a

 

offerings::what do you need to walk away from? Why do you need to walk away? You will need help. How will you get help walking away? How will you stick with your abandonment?

 

remembrance::what Truth do you need to tuck deep inside of your heart? What did you hear tonight that resonates with you but is difficult for you to believe? How will you remind yourself of these Truths? Will you choose to believe God?

 

alabaster box::what is in your’s? Anything you would change? What will you replace? With what will you replace those things?

 

Two Hearts, One Flesh preview

So much of our discontentment and lack of joy or peace comes from our expectations in relationships. When looking deep into the reality of conflict in our marriages, we must be honest with ourselves about where the conflict stems from concerning both the husband and the wife.

A wise lady once told me “major on the majors and minor on the minors”. (You can see more on that HERE). She meant: don’t be consumed by the little details, inconveniences, and frustrations of everyday misunderstanding and miscommunication. That is a downward spiral into bitterness, anger, and resentment. Be forthright with the major conversations that need to take place and follow your husband in all areas. We’ll talk more about submission in another place of our study. She also told me that apathy is bitterness matured. Ouch! Are you feeling a little apathetic about an area of contention and therefor remaining stagnant in the conflict?

Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a secret choice of the heart. -“Calm My Anxious Heart”

When you’re wrestling with decisions about what the majors are and what the minors are, broaden your picture and bring a healthy perspective from Scripture.

Jesus gave His primary reason for coming to earth in Matthew 20:28 when He said He came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.-“Calm My Anxious Heart”  He asks us to enter our sphere of existence every day with the same motive. We must ask Him to practice Psalm 139:25 on us daily.

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is especially true in our marriage relationship as it is the closest, most personal relationship we have on this earth.

Are you ministering to your husband? Or are you manipulating him? – “The Marriage Builder” Larry Crabb

Check the area of contention as see if there are ways, in your own spirit, you can respond (instead of reacting) to minister in the moment.

It’s a narrow road. But Scripture is clear about our roles in marriage. We will discuss those roles in one week of our study.

email me at sharp.mrs@gmail.com for questions about our study.

facebook event here https://www.facebook.com/events/369112496526434/?fref=ts

Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart Week 1 Re-cap

Drawing The Line…Do Not Pass Go…How Far Is TOO Far?…

Boundaries will make or break any relationship. Where you end and others begin is not only something you should define for yourself, but should also be defined in such a way that you are capable and confident to communicate to others. People (even the ones you think are the closest or you would expect to respect you) will challenge and push your boundaries at any given moment. The enemy will prey on your inability to draw those lines for his gain in his efforts to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.)

If you can identify with any of the following statements, you need help setting boundaries.

“I seem to have the hardest time saying no to people I’m in “love” with.”

“When he/she is in a bad mood, I get in a bad mood too. It just ruins my whole day.”

“I’ve noticed that my boyfriends always take advantage of me. I must be picking the wrong guys.”

“I know what’s best for him/her, and I’m determined to change him/her if it’s the last thing I do.”

If you really evaluate each of these statements, you’ll notice they each deal with the matter of responsibility. A boundary means that each person takes responsibility for himself. A boundary problem is a problem of you taking either too much responsibility for someone else, or not enough responsibility for yourself.

Setting clear boundaries helps you know for what you should take responsibility, and helps others know how better to relate to you.

Relational Boundaries

Boundaries define who you are, and they reinforce the idea that you are separate and distinct from others. They describe what you think and feel, as well as what you are willing to do. They define your preferences. They inform you as to where you END and others BEGIN.

Drawing the Lines

 The short answer for how to draw lines would be to let your yes be yes, and let your no be no.  (Matthew 5:37 But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil.) Here are a few guidelines to keep you grounded and directed in setting boundaries.

• Your Body Belongs To You

Define what your limits are before you even walk out the door. When you are being pursued, (and if the man in question isn’t pursuing you but you’re thinking you need boundaries in your “relationship” take a step to splitsville because he doesn’t even deserve to know the boundaries if he isn’t investing in you) these boundaries must be defined for yourself before entering a serious relationship. Once you have shared your boundaries (expectations) with a man, you have an immediate and first step in the culling process. If he oversteps the bounds, he has little respect for you. Therefore, you have an immediate strike against him and a red flag. It’s up to you and your integrity to walk away.

If you don’t set your boundaries before there is a need to make a decision, then you won’t stick to them.

You’ve been in a situation where you continually lost a little more and a little more ground in a relationship, whether it’s dating or another personal relationship. But here, we’ll use an example of sexual boundaries with reference to “your body belongs to you”. Most people don’t lose their boundaries overnight. You lose boundaries slowly and sacrifice more and more as you go. Set your boundaries, sexually, before the Brain Relocation Phenomenon takes place. That’s where you begin to reason with your genitals instead of your brain. We will talk more about sex later.

• Your Emotions Belong to You

Emotions are common to all people. They come and go. They can seem unpredictable and uncontrollable. However, we are each still responsible for our emotions and how we express them. You must know where your emotions end and others’ begin.

Some allow their partner’s to intrude on their lives in such a way that they are actually controlling someone’s emotions. While others do the opposite, stepping in and feeling responsible for their partner. Here are some keys for setting EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES::

Communicate how you feel to your partner. The ability and willingness to communicate how you feel is probably the single most important factor in promoting intimacy within your relationship. Use “I feel” statements. Don’t do this on a first date, this is direction for relationships moving in a serious direction.

Own your feelings and be able to separate them from your partner’s. If you find that your emotions are sometimes dictated by your partner’s actions or emotions, you are too emotionally connected. So, you are allowing your partner’s emotional atmosphere to determine whether or not you’re going to be in a good/bad mood. Don’t be an emotional chameleon.

• Your thoughts belong to you.

No one can read your mind. (1 Corinthians 2:11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.) Mental boundaries force you to take ownership of your thoughts, and not expect others to read your mind. Proverbs 23:7 “As he thinks in his heart, so he is”. You are responsible to keep your mind clean and uncluttered. (Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.) If your thoughts are condemning or self-defeating prophecies, it is your responsibility to reign that it, not someone else’s job as you meta message and bait them to lift you up. (Romans 8:1 [ Life Through the Spirit ] Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,) Learning how to take control of your thoughts and how to express them will usher you into successful and healthy relationships.

• Your actions belong to you.

One of the most foolish things we try to do in relationships is change the other person. You will end up changing yourself and being miserable if your goal and focus is to change someone else. Your efforts to change him/her will only bring frustration and misery to yourself. If you don’t like what you see, then move on and continue to be submissive to the Spirit in your own growth all the while building relationships with others. The right friend/boyfriend will come. Example of sacrificing self, trying to change others.

Breaking UP

It’s not a question of “if” one of the parties will be tempted to contact the other, it’s a matter of when. Everyone likes the familiarity and closeness of talking to and spending time with someone who knows you on a more intimate level. The initiator should be chastised the most, but the one who responds gets just as much criticism. It is critical you set up boundaries after a break up for everyone involved.  Think Band-Aid. If you don’t, you’re just extending the pain and adding deeper wounds instead of working towards healing. Pain (and especially immediate, quick pain) brings clarity and clarity brings closure.  Long-lasting pain is a guarantee when you think you can still be friends or hope the dumper will change his/her mind, or sinfully scamming some “I need a quick fix” intimacy off the ditched.

Four LIES about Boundaries

• Lie #1 Boundaries are Walls

Walls keep people out and isolate. Drawing lines lets other in but with certain parameters for your safety. This actually enhances communication and develops intimacy because boundaries are something very personal and meaningful. When they’re shared and respected, a closeness is developed and built upon in order to further relationship.

• Lie #2 Boundaries are Selfish

Selfish means being about self. (Philippians 2:2-4 ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.) On the contrary, setting boundaries is NOT selfish. It forces you to take responsibility for yourself and your own needs, but doesn’t mean you ignore others’ needs. You serve better when you’re aware of your own boundaries and encounter equally appropriate interaction with others.

• Lie #3 Boundaries are Controlling and Manipulative

Fearless line drawing liberates people from control and manipulation. Assert your boundaries in relationships, and you can let go of the need to control or the insecurity that lets you be controlled.

• Lie #4 Boundaries are Insensitive and Rude

We do have an effect on others, and by drawing boundaries, we become even more aware of human nature and our effects on each other. However, we cannot take responsibility for how others feel. That’s why you make boundaries! You keep yourself protected from the temptation (for some) to tip toe around others. If you are breaking a major boundary by not breaking up with someone and know it would be the best, you’re actually being insensitive. You must be sensitive, and remember you aren’t responsible for their emotions. Not breaking up is keeping them moving on and wasting both of your lives.

 

adapted from:

“The Ten Commandments of Dating” “Passion and Purity” and of course, Scripture