Raising Children During Chaos

Raising children in the midst of chaos can seem like a task of responsibility and accountability because our hearts are filled with thoughts of logistics, plans, & overwhelmed by circumstances. 
Pressing into Jesus while I admonish our children has made me the most aware and humbled by the gift of the Holy Spirit. 
While their behavior is filled with selfishness, tantrums, questions, and the need for training, it isn’t abnormal. It can feel like the greatest inconvenience, though, when my heart is reeling and my thoughts aren’t captive to Christ. 
I’m overwhelmed by the grace and wisdom the Spirit speaks into me and through me when I’m gently talking through life with my children. When a directive, a calm answer, or wise training comes from the depths of my innermost heart. I’m overwhelmed because Jesus speaks to me even more than whatever I’m speaking to my children. 
When I’m speaking hope and understanding to them (through the Spirit’s leadership), it’s actually me He’s speaking to…filling up my heart and mind to prompt me towards steadfastness. I’ll never stop growing, and the inconveniences of nurturing and training my children insure this and though I don’t always thank God for it, I am today. 
So today when my heart is very aware of the circumstances today holds, as we travel to another town to meet with an oncologist to hear pet scan results and chemo treatment plans, I’m asking the Lord to calm my anxious heart with moments of truth shared with my children that are ultimately for us all. 
Grace so free, washes over me. 


It’s Port Day

We’ve added a lot of new words in the last five years to our everyday speak—“normal pain”, multiple sclerosis, relapsing remitting, ms “flare/episode”, degenerative discs, radiculopathy (that’s the best one 😜)…but I think the most recent ones are my least favorite. 
Cancer. Surgery. Port. Oncology. Chemo. 
I know SO many have walked this road (I wish that weren’t so), but this is new to us, and I frequently think…this is our life. We are “those” people. We have diligently prayed for “those” people—the ones fighting cancer. We are going to fight…but I mostly know, for now, we’re trusting Jesus. 
I have used the phrase “press into Jesus”, but until 5 weeks ago, I’m not really sure I even knew what that meant or how to go about it. 
Now I know, praise Jesus, now I KNOW. I don’t want to do this, but if it’s what it took to experience pressing into Jesus along with hearing my 6 year old tell us about a very personal and alone conversation he had with His Savior because he is also learning to press into Jesus….I would go to the ends of the earth. To hear my 4 year old pray “God please make a plan for my mom and Dad and if Dad dies, we’re going to trust you”. (You have no idea the flood of tears that revolve around our joy in hearing our 4 year speak the gospel. Praise Jesus!) 
The kind of freedom and empathy that comes with trial & suffering gives us new life. 

The kind of life that scoffs at hardships and trying circumstances because there is no room for the enemy. 

No room for his tactics, his maneuvers. He may ask for permission from the Lord to strike his hand against our response to our lot, but our hearts that are steadfast on God’s Sovereignty, will deny the enemy and press into Jesus. Sure we will give into moments where our hearts beat heavy within our chest and we entertain the what-ifs. We just rest here a moment, long enough to ponder hurtful outlooks, then we set our feet firm in the direction of wisdom. We walk long and hard in the same direction, towards grace. We hurt so much harder and faster for others—experiencing the hard parts—as well as the others we so desperately desire to know Christ and His perfect love.