Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart week 2 preview

We meet again tomorrow evening! Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 8 pm join us at our house!

We will discuss all the richness we can glean from the disobedience, rebellion, and lack of faithfulness of Isreal. God so compassionately walks with us through Isreal’s waywardness & uses a heart-wrenching comparison of the relationship between Hosea & Gomer to draw us closer to Himself. While drawing us into Scripture, we will be convicted & encouraged in our own relationships.

We will have a time to discuss & reflect the following so come with open and teachable spirits.

Unfailing love. Who freely gives? Who receives?

Acts of love vs. feeling. Compare your reactions to the reality of Hosea’s response. What is the difference between reacting & responding?

Redemption. God & Hosea both confront & love through rebelliousness & disobedience. How can you follow that lead in your relationships?

Idolatry. How are you idolatrous? How does it affect your relationships?

what we learned from a prostitute last night

Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart

September 5, 2013

Week 1

Read Joshua 2

Rahab is a prostitute.

The  New Testament references to Rahab indicate that she was an immoral woman. The Greek word used to describe Rahab is “porne” the word from which we get “pornography.”

1. Rahab makes a choice.

1. It involves a risk.
   1. Her family
   2. Her security
   3. Her life

1. The spies make a covenant with Rahab.

What are the responsibilities of both parties? Rahab? The spies?

Rahab waits…..

1. How God uses Rahab

1. She is obedient.
2. She believes God.
3. She is an example of how God knows us.

She suffered some unknowns in her steps of faith.

Rahab stepped out on faith. She was not from a culture who believed God and trusted Him. God met her where she was and walked with her after, giving her a new future and a new hope.

The waiting is over. Rahab’s impact on believers.

1. She saves her family.

Her first priority was acting what she knew of God. Her second priority was saving her family.

1. She is a gentile.

1. She is in the lineage of Christ.

Read Matthew 1:5, Hebrews 11:30-31, and James 2:25. Rahab and Salmon had a son, Boaz. Boaz was the father of Obed; Obed, the father of Jesse; Jesse, the father of King David. And from the line of King David of the tribe of Judah came the promised Messiah, Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord.]

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Rahab (and our) response to the Lord – where she has been exchanging her body, now she is exchanging ownership of her body for righteous purposes.

How have you exchanged your body or self for a relationship?

Remember our discussion on boundaries?

I’m going to trust God can bring me better than what I can do by exchanging my body or by giving up what God has called me to hold fast to in this world.

Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart FALL KICK-OFF

This Thursday, September 5 @ 8pm we will be kicking off our fall college ladies discipleship study in our home. To say that I’m eager to spend time with our college women would be an understatement. My heart has yearned since Brady came on staff at FBC to be able to spend time with our college women in an environment where I could pour into and invest in their lives spiritually. I have taken opportunities in small chunks in the last 5 years to do this, but we are now in a season where we can make this happen on a weekly basis. Every Thursday through November, there will be college women in our home, desperate to hear and walk through Scripture and what it speaks to them about relationships. I’m fervently praying for them as I know the Lord has already started to permeate my heart about my own relationships and my own attitude towards others. I believe and trust that He will cut through our flesh with Truth and deep repentance and will replace the dross that He removes with compassion, obedience, and purpose. We are praying for fellowship, life-changing decisions, and healthy relationships.

Here’s a peek at what we’ll be discussing this week:::

“By faith Rahab the prostitute escaped the destruction of the disobedient, because she welcomed the spies in peace.” HEBREWS 11:31

How did God use a prostitute to aid in the fall of Jericho? Rahab chose a life of obedience to the Lord which saved her family and aided in the fall of Jericho to ultimately deliver Israel to their Promise Land.

We will be delving into Rahab’s decisions and how they forever impacted her life, giving her a role in the lineage of Christ.

Do you actually believe that you are a part of the expansion of God’s Kingdom, and if so, at least in a spiritual sense, a part of the lineage of Christ?

See you Thursday!

on call wife and mom

uttering those words “i’m JUST a stay at home mom” or feeling the guilt of a few bemoaning thoughts towards switching hats from your career to mom and wife when you get home are heavy loads we carry as married women with children.

right now, it seems less than glamorous to be a stay at home mom. i’m wearing shorts and a tshirt and got dirty and sweaty playing outside this morning. i didn’t have anyone writing me a memo that said “wow, that lesson was awesome” or “your class was so well behaved today” or “great presentation in that meeting today” or over hear someone say “that Melissa sure can ____________”.

two things to remember here::

1. no one gets these sorts of accolades and praises on a regular basis.

2. my accolades and praises will come in the form of healthy, sought-after relationship with my children and husband. (i am growing alongside my children in what it means to relate to and with them. i still have a long way to go with my husband. i didn’t get him until i was 26).

as a stay at home mom, my days are what i make them. i count the cost to leave the house with my children (will it be worth it if everyone loses their mind and we are a huge mess out in public?) you know those thought processes. some days i know before we even start that day that i am personally not operating on a full tank of patience and wisdom and probably shouldn’t venture into new territory (whether that be an activity at home or leaving the house). but some days i feel confident with my boys to conquer the world (whether that’s going to the grocery store or to a grandparents’ house).

as a stay at home mom, sometimes it feels like days happen to me. spilled milk, meals refused, constant fussing and disobedience, and skipped naps are all ripe ingredients for a momma melt down. add to that feeling like a failure if there are millions of messes that got left because clean up was interrupted by a hungry baby or runaway two year old. add to that feelings of inadequacy if i’m still in my sweatpants and tshirt when my husband comes home from work and i haven’t put on any make-up or cooked dinner.

i can never seem to accomplish all of these things in one day::a play date, all meals at home, clean up from all meals, at least one activity with Drake and/Holt, a sufficient nap time/s for all, daily cleaning, bath/shower for everyone, and daily cleaning. but i read over those expectations, that’s more than i felt like i accomplished when i was at work.

are my children observing/judging what gets done? no, but they are learning. so my efforts to teach them must focus more on what my decisions and priorities are rather than my task list. they aren’t a task list. they are hungry for relationship and interaction. that is my priority. when my 7 month old cries because i leave, he needs something. (he doesn’t ALWAYS cry, so this isn’t just spoiled…he’s usually hungry, has a diaper need, is bored, etc) or when my 2 year old says “come play with me momma!” he needs me. i remember very specific moments and occasions from my childhood-positive and negative. i want my children to have positive, healthy memories of their time with me at home. it’s so short. 1 year a few months ago we started teaching my 2 1/2 year old. now he knows his abc’s (recognition and some spelling), can spell his name and recognize his name, count, colors, shapes (he’s known octagon since 15 months), has spoken in complete sentences since 15 months, has a creative and imaginative mind, has better manners than some adults, can sort and make patterns, i could go on (as i already have). my point….in just a few months he has grown and learned so much. he’s only 2 1/2 and i feel him slipping into curiosity and comfort where relationship with others is concerned. he wants to know others and relate to others. i was his world for a short time and it’s already time to share him.

i’m on call. being a mother means taking care of the sick (even if you’re sick). it means taking care of all in the middle of the night and all day (even if you’re tired). it means having all the answers (the constant “why” and the expectation that you really do know everything). it means bringing comfort and healing (medicines, kisses for ouchies, ice bags, “you’re okay”s for when it’s not that bad).

it means selflessness. but as we’re stripped of ourselves for our husband and children, we’re filled with so much more of Him. we become so much more like Christ. we give of ourselves. we consider others. we want the best for others. we become sensitive and tender and need-meeters. we are stripped of ourselves because our flesh is what has driven us and motivated us. when we lean and rely on the Spirit for our relationship with our husband and children, we bring holiness and wholeness to those relationships. we are on call to live by the moment in the Spirit.

we can’t plan every moment if we’re on call. we can be focused on our vision/purpose statement for our family and run everything that approaches our family through that filter. do we have some illness? do we have some trial? do we have some conflict? do we have some disappointment? what do we say our family is to be about and how can we manage that through the filter of our vision/purpose statement for our family? that’s how we live on call.

that’s not “JUST” a stay at home mom. that’s a mom taking advantage of the largest responsibility and accountability in my sphere of existence (save that of my relationship with Christ and my husband). that’s a mom leading and mothering her children to one day have vision and purpose.

Two Hearts, One Flesh (week 1 preview & discussion questions)

our calling as wives

1. be a helper (Genesis 2:18)

2. be virtuous (strength AND substance) (Prov. 31:10,11)

3. be prudent (Prov. 19:14)

4. be submissive (Ephesians 5:22)

5. be a companion

Questions to think about before we meet::

*Where is your husband “wanting” & needing your help or encouragement? What needs can you meet?

*How do your decisions and kindness show godly wisdom that prove you to be virtuous (valuable) to your husband?

*Think of examples where you have chosen to fear the Lord which ultimately gained you strength in your character?

*How can you more effectively pray towards your husband in order that you will bolster him and, in turn, cause yourself to trust his lead more effectively?

*What are some areas you need to subdue your selfishness in order to stop trying to control and start submitting?

*What are some things you can do to be sensitive to desires, activities, needs that will cause you to be a better companion to your husband?

For better or worse

Post from my blog sharpexpressions that was written September 6, 2011. Drake would have been 10 months (almost 🙂

I posted a status on Facebook this weekend that said “I wish I could record Drake all day. His facial expressions are priceless & his mumblings in an effort to talk are going to be sweet memories once he’s talking all the time! He’s so much fun. So thankful we get to be stewards of him for now. What a perfect gift.”

I soon realized how far my understanding of this concept of stewardship has come. It has developed by way of difficult circumstances, joyous blessings, and moments of struggle.  I have come to a place of understanding this life is temporal and we are preparing for the eternal. Jesus healed many while He was on earth, but His healings were the the precursor to the ultimate, eternal Healing He was to bring.

I was 26 when I married by husband, who was 28 at the time.

We were by no means old, but we hadn’t just graduated college either. My singleness was a season. For better or for worse. The enjoyable times were the better and the lonely times were the worse. Let it be known that loneliness doesn’t disappear on the wedding day. The enjoyable times were filled with sporadic meetings with college girls, encouraging them, discipling them, challenging them, and all the while growing in my knowledge leaps and bounds. I was able to go where I wanted when I wanted. I was free to make decisions on a whim, change my budget (or not have one), I only had myself to contend with (with household tangibles…I’m not referring to huge matters of influence such as irresponsible, unstable, untrustworthy behavior, etc.) My schedule was my own. The lonely times were complete with silence in my bedroom. Moments of weeping to the Lord of my great desire to have someone in this life to care for and help (I had no real understanding of the magnitude of responsibility and accountability that desire held). There were days filled with question after question for God. **If you’re in this season, how are you treasuring, coveting, and utilizing this time? Are you a good steward of this season, for better and for worse? In the enjoyable times are pouring your time into whatever the Lord has for you now? (School, family, friendships, discipling, serving?) Are you using the lonely times to be sifted and refined for the Eternal purpose you are here to serve? The Lord quickly broke me with the reality that He doesn’t promise us marriage, children, friends, home, etc. He has a lot for us and we are to walk in this lot with grand thankfulness and resourcefulness.  He walks with you through these seasons to sanctify and purify you. Are you letting Him? He uses the seasons to make you look more like His Son..are you drawing nearer to Him?

These seasons are a grand picture that tie together little hills and valleys in our lives. He calls us to walk gracefully through EACH season and within that time frame we are to be good stewards of all that is in our sphere of existence. Wherever you are now, there are other people  in your life who benefit by watching (or should benefit) how you rest in Him and pursue Him.

Are you a good steward of your friendships? Some friends stay and some friends go. Is your time spent with them in such a way, that whether they stay or leave, you have no regrets?

• Be graciously honest with them.
• Meet conflict directly and concisely.
• Apologize immediately where you must.
• Forgive immediately where you must.
• Go out of your way to meet their needs. It will return to you. (Don’t meet their needs with expectations or pay back in mind…Jesus doesn’t handle us in that regard.)

Are you a good steward of your relationship with your family?

• Forgive them.
• Honor your father and mother. It might cost so be prepared, but remember it is commanded for a reason and He will bless you and keep you in this area if you are obedient.
• Get Christian counseling if your past necessitates it.
• Make time for them.
• Find ways to encourage them.
• Bless them.
• I am not naive to the fact there are some families where these actions are not possible. If you know the Lord and are surrounded by godly counselors, you know how to walk in this area. If you need help, ask a seasoned believer who is walking faithfully with the Lord. They will help you be accountable where you can be with your family and discern where you are not responsible.

Are you a good steward of your marriage?

• Pray for your spouse.
• Discuss Truth and theology
• Be tender. Be aware.
• Be affectionate.
• Ask for forgiveness. Be forgiving.
• Tell them good things about themselves first and then do it in public. Build your spouse up–it’s you and your spouse against the world at all times. If you’re in a battle with one another, you’ve lost your ally.

Are you a good steward of your children’s affections and their hearts? You only get a very short time with them.

• Pray for them.
• Pray with them.
• Teach them Scripture.
• Teach them obedience and faith.
• Spend time with them above everyone else (except your spouse).
• Model a healthy, godly marriage for them.
• Be affectionate towards them and value their affection for you.
• Tell them good things about themselves and then tell everyone else.

Are you a good steward of your time? Not a selfish time keeper.

• Spend time first with your spouse, children, & family (quality time)
• If you are single and without children, first spend time with your family, then your closest circles of friends.
• Let your time be spend in prayer, reading the Word, Scripture memory, music, etc. Whatever stirs your affections for Christ and causes you to look more like Him.
• Plan your time well. A calendar of your regular days’ commitments, monthly commitments, regular meetings & events, and other planned/scheduled happenings. Then fit other things into that frame. Be prepared for interruptions. The Lord will interrupt you and it’s an opportunity to be a good steward in another area (helping a friend, having faith when He allows inconvenience of a car break down, etc) of your life if you’re already a good steward of your time.

Are you a good steward of your finances? All that you’ve been given…is just that…GIVEN.

• Recognize your WHOLE lot as being given.
• Decide how to use what you’ve been given to honor Him.
• Tithe.
• Save.
• Don’t overspend.
• Pay off what you’ve already overspent, if you have.
• Don’t make rationalizations for your wants. If you can afford it, be wise, if you can’t, be wise.

Are you a good steward of your possessions? Again, you’ve been given all that you have.

Take inventory of your possession.

• Evaluate how it can be used to bless others. (A house can be a safe place for children from families who don’t know Christ, it can be a home away from home for a college student, etc. A car can be used to carpool for someone without a vehicle, to help families save money, or to give a child a ride with your family for a few minutes and be exposed to Christians if he/she is from an unchurched home.)
• Don’t waste your possessions.
• Take care of what you’ve got. It’s been given to you, cherish it.

The Lord blesses us with such enjoyable moments. However, there are seasons of hurting and struggling, too. How you respond to each is a reflection of your faith.

33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things (see Matthew 6:33 to know what “these things” are) will be added to you.

Two Hearts, One Flesh preview

So much of our discontentment and lack of joy or peace comes from our expectations in relationships. When looking deep into the reality of conflict in our marriages, we must be honest with ourselves about where the conflict stems from concerning both the husband and the wife.

A wise lady once told me “major on the majors and minor on the minors”. (You can see more on that HERE). She meant: don’t be consumed by the little details, inconveniences, and frustrations of everyday misunderstanding and miscommunication. That is a downward spiral into bitterness, anger, and resentment. Be forthright with the major conversations that need to take place and follow your husband in all areas. We’ll talk more about submission in another place of our study. She also told me that apathy is bitterness matured. Ouch! Are you feeling a little apathetic about an area of contention and therefor remaining stagnant in the conflict?

Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a secret choice of the heart. -“Calm My Anxious Heart”

When you’re wrestling with decisions about what the majors are and what the minors are, broaden your picture and bring a healthy perspective from Scripture.

Jesus gave His primary reason for coming to earth in Matthew 20:28 when He said He came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.-“Calm My Anxious Heart”  He asks us to enter our sphere of existence every day with the same motive. We must ask Him to practice Psalm 139:25 on us daily.

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is especially true in our marriage relationship as it is the closest, most personal relationship we have on this earth.

Are you ministering to your husband? Or are you manipulating him? – “The Marriage Builder” Larry Crabb

Check the area of contention as see if there are ways, in your own spirit, you can respond (instead of reacting) to minister in the moment.

It’s a narrow road. But Scripture is clear about our roles in marriage. We will discuss those roles in one week of our study.

email me at sharp.mrs@gmail.com for questions about our study.

facebook event here https://www.facebook.com/events/369112496526434/?fref=ts

Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart week 2 Re-Cap

Busy Mind, Deceptive Heart

5.1.13

Melissa Sharp

Get a Life…Sentencing Myself

Most of us, when we look within, can put our finger on a strong desire to love and be loved, to accept and be accepted. Our longing for love represents one set of needs that partly defines what it means to be a person or spirit. You have experienced a sense of wholeness, a feeling of vitality and fullness, when you do something important haven’t you? Washing dishes or laundry may bore you, but wrestling with decisions of major consequence or responding to a medical emergency extends into deeper parts of our person and sense of self. We sense an urgent meaningfulness to what we are doing,

We need to feel secure and significant.

Two sets of needs in the bible:: pg. 28-29 of Marriage Builder

• Romans 8 Paul’s excitement over Christ’s love
• Job’s trust in a living Redeemer Job 19:25-27
• John is overwhelmed by thoughts of the Lord’s love for His children in 1 John 3:1
• Ruth was bound to Naomi by a connection stronger than cultural ties.
• As soon as Adam and Eve were separated from God by sin, their capacity for love was no longer filled and was therefore experienced as a need-a need for love, a need for security.
• Abraham was looking to leave his home and travel great distances because he was looking for a city with foundations designed and built by God in Hebrews 11:8-10.

The intangible identity that I know as “me” has two needs, which are personal realities not reducible to biological or chemical analysis. They have a personal existence, independent of the physical body, which constitutes the core of what it means to be a spirit.

“The image of God is reflected in two needs. God is a personal being who in His essential nature is love and who, as a God of design and purpose, is the author of meaning. We too are personal beings, but unlike our infinite, self-sufficient, and perfect God, we are limited, dependent, and fallen.” Crabb

Security: a convinced awareness of being unconditionally and totally loved without needing to change in order to win love, loved by a love that is freely given, that cannot be earned and therefore cannot be lost.

Significance: a realization that I am engaged in a responsibility or job that is truly important, whose results will not evaporate with time but will last through eternity, that fundamentally involves having a meaningful impact on another person, a job for which I am completely adequate.

Depending on the Lord to meet your needs

Our personal needs for security and significance can be fully met only in relationship with Christ. To put it another way, all that we need to function effectively as persons (not necessarily to feel happy or fulfilled) is fully supplied in relationship with Christ and in whatever He chooses to provide.

1. We need to be secure. He loves us with a love we never deserved, a love that sees everything ugly within us yet accepts us, a love that we can do nothing to increase or decrease, a love that was forever proven at the Cross, where Christ through His shed blood fully paid for our sins to provide us with the gift of an eternally loving relationship with God. In that love, I am secure.-Crabb
2. 2.    We need to be significant. The Holy Spirit has graciously and sovereignty equipped every believer to participate in God’s great purpose of bringing all things together in Christ. The body of Christ builds itself up through the exercise of each member’s gifts. We are enabled to express our value by ministering to others, enduring wrong without grumbling, and faithfully doing everything to the limits of our capacity for the Glory of God Eph 2:10 and that our obedience will contribute to fulfilling the eternal plan of God.-Crabb

The Truth

Our dulled eyes of faith strain to keep these spiritual realities in clear focus. The central truth that serves as the platform for Christian relationships, is that in Christ we are at every moment eternally loved and genuinely significant. Too often Christians fall off this platform of truth into error. When key relationships fail to make feel secure or significant, it may be difficult to hold firmly on to the fact that I remain a worthwhile person.-Crabb

Error 1: Rejection and failure mean that I am a less worthwhile person.

Because someone has rejected me or because I have failed, I am less worthwhile as a person. It is also possible to slip from the platform of truth into error on another side. The truth that “Christ is all I need” may sometimes degenerate into a defensive posture to avoid personal hurt by maintaining a safe emotional distance in relationships. You must not hide behind the truth of your worth in Christ to avoid feeling pain in a relationship.

To say that Christ is sufficient does not imply that He is to function as some sort of cover protecting us from the pain of interpersonal fire. His resources make it possible for us to continue responding biblically in spite of the great pain we may feel, because the hurt, though great, will never be enough to rob us of our security and significance. All we need to live, no matter what our circumstances, is the security of His love and the significance of participation in His purpose.

Error 2: Christ is all I need; therefore I can avoid intimate relationships with others.

To avoid this error, take these 2 steps.

1. Fully acknowledge all your feelings to God. Christians often are trained to pretend they feel joyful and happy when they are actually miserable. Because we “shouldn’t” feel unhappy, we pretend we don’t. Heb 4:15 teaches that our Great High Priest can sympathize with us when we experience weakness. Talk to the Lord, through prayer and humility about your hurt and thank Him for His love.
2. Reaffirm the truth of your security and significance in Christ. One of the central truths of the Christian life is that our feelings need never determine how we believe or what we do. Remind yourself that in Christ you are fully loved and worthwhile despite others’ rejection.

Look at the images and ponder the differences.  Where is God? Who has ultimate responsibility? What action takes place?

Until you are dangling over the abyss of rejection, held only by the love of God, and not until then, will you deeply know that Christ can meet your need for security. 1 John 4:18. We will never know that love until we depend on it to preserve us from destruction.

After you jump, there is an interval of time before the rope of love extends fully to support the persona’s weight over the abyss. Example skydiving. For the scared Christian, who makes the “leap of faith” the moments before Christ’s love is experienced as real personal security may last an hour, a day, a week, a year or longer. Now is the time to rely on His Word Ps. 73:26

Now What?

Figure out “you”.

You understand self-worth shouldn’t be wrapped up in someone else. The most important thing you can do for developing healthy relationships, is figure out your personality.

If you know who you are, you won’t have the insatiable need to be in a relationship or on a date to feel good about yourself. These people drain their dating partner (and eventually a spouse) dry because they are looking to others to meet their needs.

People who don’t have a life are really putting their lives on hold.

The Deadly D’s of not having a life

1.  Desperation: You rush in and rush through. Your urgent need to fill a void keeps you from going slower in order to allow a more normal, natural process of bonding to occur. You don’t have the inner strength necessary to stave off desperation. This urge-to-merge scares off potential mates instead of attracting them.
2. Dependence: dependent daters have difficulty making decisions and taking responsibility for their lives and their own decisions. When a dependent person enters a relationship, he/she usually sucks the lifeblood our of the other person. A dependent dater will depend on the other person to meet most of his/her needs to provide a sense of identity.
3.  Depression and loneliness: this “D” usually affects the whole person; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is to be expected to experience some feelings of depression and drops in self-confidence and self-esteem. The danger in isolation and extreme depression is the downward spiral it creates. This can be prevented, but if it happens can also be treated.
4.    Detachment: disengaging from life, this step will take you completely away from vital relationships. Withdrawing to protect yourself, can cause some serious problems just like depression, but it starts with your own actions. Therefore, this is a “D” you can be leery of and avoid if you’re really watching yourself. Just because there are some failed attempts at relationships or failed relationships, doesn’t justify cutting yourself off from friends and family.

How to get a life

When you see yourself the way God sees you, you will be free from insecurity and fear. What you believe about yourself and your core identity determines how you behave.

Get into a group

Getting into a group is all about developing replenishing relationships. It is about being in deeper relationships where there is trust, safety, and vulnerability.

• Commit to a local church by joining,
• find a small group, join a team,
• serve in the community with others,
• find a few who will encourage you and if needed-confront you

Create a life sentence

You only get one sentence when you’re gone from this earth. What do you want others to say? “Oh, I remember her….she….” My life sentence is “To be about the growth of other individuals” it ultimately combines sharing Christ and walking with them after. I’m always looking for ways to help people grow and move forward in their life. It affects every conversation I have with people, directly and indirectly. If I’m not faithful to that sentence, I feel convicted and moved to be obedient. This will help you steer clear of being unequally yolked, it will affect your ministry to your peers, it will direct your speech and actions, and ultimately hold you accountability in all areas-especially dating.

Adapted & Quoted from “Marriage Builder” by Larry Crabb

Ten Commandments of Dating by Ben Young and Dr Samuel Adama

Busy Mind; Deceptive Heart week 2 Sneak Peek

We too are personal beings, but unlike our infinite, self-sufficient, and perfect God, we are limited, dependent, and fallen. God is love; we need love. Whatever God does is significant; we have a need to do something significant.

Security: a convinced awareness of being unconditionally and totally loved without needing to change in order to win love, loved by a love that is freely given, that cannot be earned and therefore cannot be lost. This real kind of security cannot be created or provided by any human to the end in which we need it.

Significance: a realization that I am engaged in a responsibility or job that is truly important, whose results will not evaporate with time but will last through eternity, that fundamentally involves having a meaningful impact on another person, a job for which I am completely adequate. The source for this type of significance can only be given and achieved through a God Who created us with this need to begin with and will not be provided by any human to the extent to which we need it.

**Excited to meet with our single ladies this evening! Such wonderful Truth to shed on their hearts and opportunity for them to let the Truth of His provision of security and significance to soak into their hearts. Don’t let your mind work tirelessly and spin your already deceptive heart, get relief and wisdom for the days ahead in your relationships. **

https://www.facebook.com/events/575696299120686/

Sifting Sandpaper

Sometimes the sanctification and brokenness feels as though we’re being stripped of all that is us, but He’s replacing it all with all that is of Him. That’s much more valuable and beneficial than our flesh. -me

I love my husband. More than any person in my life and second most to my Savior. He has had chronic pain for 15 months now. It started with a 9 day hospital stay, more tests than I can re-cap, and finally a diagnosis that has, so far, only resulted in medication as a fix (for now, hopefully).

The first 3 months I was on pure adrenaline and desperation to find out what was wrong with him and to keep him comfortable. During that time, I became pregnant and was staying home with our 14 month old son. (What a HUGE blessing and provision that I had already been a SAHM! I was able to take care of the most important people in my life without worry of losing my job. Although, they may have wanted to fire me!)

He progressively got better, I progressively got more pregnant and miserable, and our toddler got progressively more busy! Our second son was born in November of the same year that my husband was diagnosed with a thoracic condition.

In January 2013, it had been a year since he first began hurting. Like all seasons ebb and flow, I hit a wall with being a care-giver. I wish I could sugar coat my emotions, but the reality is my meager attempts at managing my emotions revealed my true attempts were just out of my flesh. I needed help and I needed someone to reveal grace and mercy and speak Truth to me. I needed someone to remind me that Jesus doesn’t tell us to “pull yourself up by the boot straps” (that had become my motto). Jesus doesn’t tell us “well, this is just your lot so deal with it.” Truth be told, I knew my life wasn’t hard. I knew my life was pretty spectacular! I was just tired. I was weary. I felt alone. So, I made a call (ok, I made a text!). To a staff wife at our church that I have known and trusted since I was in high school. Her husband, too, deals with chronic pain. I needed some wisdom. I needed some guidance. I knew if I didn’t get some light shed on my heart soon it was going to become bitter.

So we went to get a soda and talked. She is a discerning counselor and had prayed specifically for what the Lord would have her say to me. (By the way, don’t ever seek someone’s counsel who isn’t praying and sensitive to the Spirit-my two cents).

I began to share with her the nitty gritty of my ugly heart right now. I’m tired. I feel selfish. I want to do the things that interest, energize, and refresh me. But there’s no time for it. (This was smack in the middle of a week where my husband was in bed due to a spell of debilitating pain). But the flip side to these emotions::At least my husband is still with me! My husband is still able to work and provide for us! My husband still loves me and our sons with his whole being and ministers to us with an overflowing Jesus love that few people have these days! My husband loves people so much that he wants to burst sometimes and ministers out of the overflow of who Christ is in him! Those are some pretty gigantic positives! The reality of my emotions and truth were waging war in my being. So, here comes her questions and what the Lord led her to ask and speak.

“Melissa, what’s your picture for you life? What do you see, what do you want? Now, what do you think God’s big picture is for you? What does He want? Do those line up?”

Absolutely not. They don’t. I shared with her that I had already been convicted for two weeks before meeting with her that I needed to say no to a lot of things and people, including myself. That is one of the most painful pieces of sandpaper I have ever felt scratch across the surface of my very delicate flesh and selfishness. So I had already started saying no to others and myself. It was hard. It hurt. It felt unfair. Now I could realize the real reason I started realizing my selfishness was coming to the surface was an unfortunate collision of the conviction to say no and now my husband was needing me totally and I didn’t even have the choice to say no now, I had to in order to be available to him. How wretched am I that I’m struggling with selfishness when my family needs me? Well, I can just see it now. We’re all wretched and deceived by our hearts. Thankfully, Jesus can redeem that!

I will give you a few examples. I was having a get together at my home. I LOVE to decorate and make themes. I’m not really good at it, but I enjoy it. I enjoy others’ enjoying my decorations. For this get together, I promised myself my home would be clean, but no extras. I stuck to it. I didn’t like it, but I stuck to it.

I’ve wanted to decorate Drake’s room for a while. And I want to do it on the cheap, but that requires a lot of hand making and creativity. I’ve put that to the side. He doesn’t care. He’s a boy. He loves his bed and that’s all he wants in there. It’s about me and feeling accomplished and impressed with myself (let’s call it what it is) and that’s not worth the time away from my family, the money, or the chance of not meeting their needs.

It was all a bunch of sifting. It still is. That dross that He’s refining out of His gold (me) hasn’t all completely come to the top yet. But He says I’m worth the time it takes to refine. He says I’m so worth it, that He sent His Son to die on the Cross and His Son left us the Holy Spirit to continue working in this sinful heart. He won’t ever be done working on me until I’m in heaven. So this is just one more chapter in the book of my sanctification.

His big picture for me right now?

Wife. My husband came first and comes first out of all of my relationships on earth.

Mom. We prayerfully added little humans into our family and they are our responsibility. The number one priority for our marriage under glorifying the Lord (which covers everything else to come under here) is to provide for and disciple our children. We are and will be held accountable for this area.

Then some. I was called to college ministry before I married my husband. That calling has expanded to ministering to women in all seasons. College, marriage, mommyhood, adult mothers who have college students….this is my calling and I enjoy the moments shared with ladies.

My lot isn’t a place where He resides to give me everything hard. My lot is the place where I come to see who I am in relation to Christ, secure my identity, and walk with Him to continue in ministry and laboring for Him.

Web places that encourage me in these areas::

Finding Joy

Focus on the Family

Dr. James Dobson

Jen Hatmaker

Family Matters

Lysa TerKeurst