to have loved and lost…

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I have written about our journey through miscarriage HERE and HERE. Yesterday, as my husband got home from work, it didn’t take 10 seconds before he was in the floor wrestling and tickling our 2 sons. We have a son, about to be 3 at the end of November, who was conceived 3 1/2 months after our miscarriage. We have another son, about to be 1 at the end of November, who was a little bit of a surprise and a little bit of hope! Every pregnancy and child’s presence represents something different. Both of our boys represent hope, but for very different reasons. Our oldest son came after miscarriage. He didn’t bring healing, only the Lord can bring healing. He brought further understanding and peace that we have to move on. We don’t have to leave behind the memory of our Baby C, but we have to move on. Move on in the Lord, move on for our family, and move on in life. We talk about our precious baby. The Lord knows us so much better than we know ourselves. Sometimes I need a reminder. He’s given me a reminder every time I think on the absence of our first baby. Miscarriage isn’t unique or rare. Since the fall of man there has been sin, evil, devastation. We can’t and don’t have to explain it. It’s a hard journey to trust and believe the Lord when heartache and tragedy strikes. But, if we believe Him in some we must believe Him in all. I’m thankful for my children here now, so I must be thankful for my child not here and thankful that He has a greater plan for that baby. I should say a greater plan. It doesn’t get any better than Heaven!

 

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My husband just said yesterday, I feel a void when I play with our boys. We’re missing someone. I definitely agree. When I fix my boys meals, do their laundry, give them baths, do every day menial things that are exhausting and even unenjoyable-I think there should be more food to fix, more clothes to wash, another one to bathe. But there isn’t. And I especially feel a void when we’re cherishing moments and making memories. This void draws me close to Him though. There is a void and only He can fill it because we don’t have Baby C here to enjoy and to make memories with….that was His plan.

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We have to approach the throne of grace to walk through heartache. We have to surround ourselves with Truth speakers. Those who will value and enrich the moments we need grace. Alongside of those who support and encourage, we need to have humor. Speak fondly of our loved but lost babies. Speak truth to each other and rally in understanding, yet reality of our circumstances. I love this graphic. We know we aren’t the ones who make angels, but we carried them and we love them forever. I hope you’re encouraged to walk this journey with boldness and grace. He entrusted us with this testimony and He will equip us with the wisdom and courage to walk in it and share it.

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