photo cred: DeEdra Folmar of Photo[E]motion Photography
desperate times call for desperate measures. i’ve heard that saying before.
now that others depend on me, i know what desperate feels like.
desperate to be better than good.
desperate to be one step ahead of their needs.
desperate to provide love, security, and comfort.
desperate to be a safe place, emotionally.
desperate to be entertaining and challenging.
all of those desires seem so noble. but they’re empty. they are my definition, fueled by my fleshly opinion of what the world is screaming at me to be and do. i get to this understanding of emptiness when i’m broken and weary. my two least favorite adjectives when i’m humbling myself before the Lord. and it usually comes when i would least expect it. i would expect broken and weary when i’m tired. i would expect them when i’m not intimately acquainted with sanctification. i would expect them when i’m busy. i would expect them when i just don’t want to do life anymore. and sometimes, these are all true moments that open the door for brokenness and weariness. but, not this time.
this time, broken and weary found me at the corner of “i’m being consistent with my children, trying to be consistent with my home, and i’m pushing through”. my marriage is a safe place for me so i’m “trying harder” there, just asking for grace from the Lord and my husband every day.
so why broken and weary if being consistent and gracious? because THOSE ARE SO HARD AND THEY TAKE A LOT OF SANCTIFICATION AND I CAN’T MAINTAIN THEM ON MY OWN.
when we’re hanging on by a thread during obedient and faithful times, it’s expected to experience weariness. and brokeness. because we are tired, selfless, and out of our own motivation. it’s spent. our obedience and discipline must come from Somewhere else. the Spirit intercedes. we need Him. that’s why Christ sent us a Helper. we cannot do good alone.
be encouraged. if you think to do good today, the indwelling of the Spirit is moving you. if you think to be disciplined today, the Holy Spirit is prompting you and putting it in you to move forward.
so when we’re ready to throw in the towel in an area where we’ve been plugging along, faithful and obedient, don’t. let’s press forward. he’s done such a work in us, let’s be an open vessel for that work to continue. ultimately, we’re seeking to look like Christ. that doesn’t happen with one small victory. we continue taking steps forward.
being confident of this, that he who began a goodwork in you will carry it on to completion until the day ofChrist Jesus
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.