My first love, before anyone else on this earth, is this man. I have never wanted so badly anything in my life, as much as I wanted to be with him forever. When he asked me to be his wife, he lit a fire deep in my heart to be his greatest source of joy, behind the The Lord. I fail at doing this multiple times a day and actually achieve quite the opposite when I’m a joy stealer. I want more than anything for him to be holy and happy. But sometimes those don’t go together. And sometimes that shatters my heart. I am biased, this I know. But I don’t know anyone who loves people more than he does. He loves to see them through mistakes, through experiences with false teaching, through disappointments from those who say they love….I could go on and on because his ability to love seems boundless. Truly a quality directly from The Lord. I don’t know anyone else who can speak straight the matter with biblical counsel like he does. Without bias or opinion, the Word does the cutting through his speech. And just like that, he is utilized to bring healing. He will be the first to admit fault and that if anything good has come from him, he will credit The Lord. He is anointed. I am beyond blessed to benefit from the character and integrity that are bound up in the heart of this man. He does not waiver in questions of ethics and morals. There are places in our hearts and lives that are “givens” and “absolutes” and we continue to walk. He has not tripped in leading me or leading our boys. He looks for progress and growth. He constantly thinks about, prays for, pushes forward in his job. Oh his “job”. Being in a bed for months at one time, he looked at me, “Melissa, I love my job. I want to be there and I want to be with people”. Given this description, you would expect no other “job” for him than ministry. He is not limited to his title in college ministry, though. That’s not how ministry works. We love students. We love their season. So much opportunity. The independence to make decisions. The new awareness of self and world. The hard theological questions. The challenge to serve and share. The excitement for justice. The love of food! Free food! That’s our motto. But he has this heart for people that takes us beyond college students. Nearly weds. Newlyweds. Hurting marriages. Confused fathers. Those called to the ministry but don’t know where to start. The list could go on and on. Yes, we are flawed. But it’s easy to see flaws. It’s not easy to see the wonder of a man’s honor and nobility when he does his work with grace and does his serving, leading, and admonishing with a gentle and bold approach. He doesn’t do it for grins and approval.
This “leg” of my blog regarding “wife” will speak of my journey in being his wife. Right now, that is wrapped up in serving him however I can at our home and in his ministry. At home, taking care of whatever I can so that he doesn’t have to and he can spend more time at his work–with people. At home–taking care of details that would otherwise cause him more pain. In our ministry–being available to have people in our home, preparing multiple facets in order to have bible studies in our home, making good plans and preparations so that our life is easy in the places where we do have control.
Wife to him in a season of hurting. Hugs and cuddling. An even more intense approach to praying healing over him and for him. Being more stubborn than he is to ensure he doesn’t hurt worse. Spending time pouring myself into Scripture so that I can always have Truth and a word to share with him when we’re discouraged.
We know Truth in this season of no answers and pain. We Trust in this season. We wait now. As we always have, for deliverance & provision.
I hesitate to share what happened this week as we traveled in hopes of answers and help. We received neither, and the experience is hard to describe without using harsh words. I’m not ready to measure that-so for now,know that we are disappointed & displeased with our journey and those who brought us there.
Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for hurting with us. Thank you for encouraging us.
At this point, we have no evidence that this pain is being caused by anything that is fatal, for that we praise Him. However, this debilitating pain is agony. We will walk by faith, knowing One suffered much more than this to bring us much more. Those are easier words for me as I’m not the one hurting physically.
We pray for healing. We believe Him for healing. However that comes.