Two Hearts, One Flesh

Starting May 29, I will be hosting/teaching a home study for young married ladies. We will be approaching topics that are unique to the marriage relationship as well as topics that are specific to women within the marriage union.

As previously stated, we’ll start Wednesday May 29 and we’ll meet every Wednesday from 8:00-9:15 pm. Please contact me at sharp.mrs@gmail.com if you have any questions!

The following post is an excerpt from a talk I shared with our MOPs group at The Church at Sheppard. It contains a few ideas we will touch on this summer at our home study. Enjoy and leave some feedback.

You married a sinner.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” -Ruth Bell Graham

 

Keep your expectations low. Verbalize needs, not demands. Yes, there are keys and expectations to marriage union—faithfulness, reciprocation, etc. But once you get into preferences, that’s an expectation he may not fulfill. That will relieve you both from disappointment and pressure. He is not there to meet all of your needs, that’s Christ’s role. You both have to seek Him for that and each other for biblical healthiness in your marriage relationship.

 

”No one can go back and change how it started but a new future for any marriage can begin the moment one person begins to invest in it.” -Fawn Weaver

You may have to choose to be that person. Are you going to focus on all the bad or start making small changes to invest in the life of your marriage? The marriage is singular, you are one.

 

It is your one flesh, as a team, seeking to conquer the enemy’s assaults.

“A good marriage is each for the other and two against the world.” -Robert Brault

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” -Zig Ziglar

While it’s critical to find the truth about issues affecting your marriage, relationship is always more important than issues.  You’re partners, not prosecutors, and that partnership doesn’t end when you discuss sensitive topics. 

 

Major on the majors and not the minors. Like we discussed earlier, the minors are usually preferences and requests. Those can be addressed through conversation and deliberate intention on both spouse’s behalf. The majors are where you need to focus time and hard conversations to be on the same page.

Once you start talking, take deliberate measures to keep the conversation principle-centered.  Don’t ask who’s right.   Ask what’s right.  

 

 

When you find yourself frustrated or disappointed or angry, start by evaluating and searching your own heart and your sin. This will diminish his.

Psalm 139: 23-24

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

 

 

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” -Barnett R. Brickner

Marriage is not primarily about “finding the right person.”  It’s about being the right person. 

Mr. Glynn DeMoss Wolfe, once said that “Marriage is like stamp collecting.  You keep looking to find that rare one.”  It’s no wonder that Wolfe was married twenty-nine ix times.

Remind yourself of the meaning of love.  Speaking here about the agape love that Jesus demonstrated on the cross and that Paul describes in 1Corinthians 13.  In his classic work, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm declares, “To love somebody is not just a strong feeling – it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.  If love were just a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever.”  That’s what agape love is all about.        

 

Peace in your marriage is a forever gift to your children.

 

“Marriage: If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.” – F. Burton Howard

 

http://www.family.org/couplecheckup/

 

“I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other’s gaps.” -Rocky Balboa (Rocky, the movie)

 

Book Suggestions::

 

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (Bible Study on Wed. at FBC Family Nights @ First)

A professional survey of hundreds of men showed amazing similarities regarding the way they think. Women who really want to understand their men will benefit from exploring the findings of this study about the inner lives of men. As women realize what men’s heartfelt needs actually are, they will be better able to meet those needs and enhance their most significant relationships.

 

 

Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs (Conference coming to FBC April 26-27)

Discover the single greatest secret to a successful marriage!  Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find. Today, you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this audio book. His revolutionary message, featured on Focus on the Family, is for anyone: those in marital crisis… wanting to stay happily married… who feel lonely. It’s for engaged couples… victims of affairs… pastors and counselors seeking material that can save a marriage.

Marriage Builders by Larry Crabb

Psychologist Larry Crabb cuts to the heart of the biblical view of marriage: the “one-flesh” relationship. He argues convincingly that the deepest needs of human personality–security and significance–ultimately cannot be satisfied by a marriage partner. We need to turn to the Lord, rather than our spouse, to satisfy our needs. This frees both partners for “soul oneness,” a commitment to minister to our spouse’s needs rather than manipulating them to meet our own needs. With “soul oneness” comes renewed “body oneness,” where couples enjoy sexual pleasure as an expression and outgrowth of a personal relationship. The Marriage Builder also identifies three building blocks essential to constructing marriage: the grace of God, true marriage commitment, and acceptance of one’s mate.

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